Rogue nation: Spain

From our sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com: The Spanish government is clearly out of its head these days. The Spanish Parliament is pondering a resolution that would give apes and gorillas basic legal rights. The resolution is expected to pass next year.

Yes, the rogue nation of Spain might be seeking to give our enemies the right to life, freedom from “arbitrary captivity” and freedom from torture. How are we going to get any information about of them if we can’t torture and imprison them? Not to mention, since when do we afford our enemies the same rights that we give ourselves? The Geneva Convention does not apply to non-humans.

Where is Francisco Franco when you need him?

The story also mentions that species traitor Matthew Hiasl Pan, a chimp from Austria, whom we have covered before that thinks it is human. The chimp’s lawyers have appealed to the European Court of Human Rights. Should the beast win the appeal, it would mean all of Europe would have to recognize basic human chimp rights. Next they would want to vote.

This could get Americans interested

Apparently there’s some soccer thing going on in Europe right now. I would ask my Colombian roommate more about the “football” tourney he is watching so carefully, but it is just too hard to listen and not nod off. The only thing that can make soccer less exciting is when it’s women’s soccer. But the Europeans are taking a mud wrestling-style approach to the game right now.

The (unofficial?) Austrian and German women’s teams played in nothing but thongs yesterday, showcasing “das booben.” Austria won 10-5, a score which probably broke the scoreboard.

The Germans took defeat sportingly and joined their opponents for alcopops and dancing at a beach club alongside the Danube.

“I was supposed to hold the balls but I really have no idea how to do that,” said German keeper Jana Bach.

Wait, Reuters, is this a prank story?