Tagged: norway

| Posted in Regular Post

Give your TV a Viking funeral

"Well, there's your problem: too much excitement."
“Well, there’s your problem: too much excitement.”

If you thought American public television was boring, no matter how many Dowtons they Abbey, then you haven’t seen boredom. No, for true, mind-numbing hours of marathon paint-peeling, you’ll have to go to Norway.

As a follow-up to their highly rated (no, really) continuous, uninterrupted eight hours on a train and then the sequel, 134 hours on a cruise ship, Norway changed things up on Friday by airing 12 hours of a wood-burning fireplace.

And like PBS’s 11-and-a-half hours long Civil War, the fire is based on a book, Norwegian bestseller Hel Ved, which its publisher claims outsold Fifty Shades of Grey this holiday season. We don’t know if there were slow pans and zooms onto certain flames, but there was narration from “firewood specialists providing color commentary” on “burning, slicing and stacking the wood,”  along with “music and poems.”

It’s enough to make you wish they still made wood-paneled television sets.

| Posted in Booze News, War on Animals

Norwegian bears are the worst kind of drunks

If there’s anything you know about us, we at SG have no problem with the booze. We enjoy it. We’re responsible, but we know our limit … and just past it. But the last thing we’d ever be is a bad parent and involve booze in our parenting.

Clearly, that separates us from the animals.

Last week, a mother bear set a horrible example for her 3 cubs as they broke into a Norwegian lodge and proceeded to wreck havoc on the dwelling. Along the way, the horrible foursome drank more than 100 beers, as it’s being reported.

People, this is why we don’t need animals in the world: they’re just plain rude.

| Posted in You Missed It

You Missed It: The downward spiral edition

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you, the reader, that I want an HDTV. I am not telling you that I’ve been looking at 1080p resolution televisions because Christmas is coming and I am dropping subtle hints. No, I just thought you might find it interesting that I am looking for something with a 40-inch or 42-inch screen. That’s all. If you were busy getting fired from your coaching job, odds are you missed it.

It’s Valhalla!
A large spiral was spotted in the sky over Norway this week. The Internet was flooded with pictures in what is either one of the most elaborate hoaxes in history, or a Russian missle gone haywire, if you listen to reports. The spiral is similar to one seen in the night sky over China earlier this year. For those of you who see this as a sign of the end of the world, The Guys would like to ask you one question: if you’re going to go out, wouldn’t you want to go out wearing SG merch?

Stayed tuned for the interview with Troy Polamalu
Former Clinton aide George Stephanopoulos will take over a vacancy left by Diane Sawyer on ABC’s Good Morning America. The move seems questionable to critics of ABC’s journalistic integrity as of late. Either way, Stepanopoulos because the second most bevoweled GMA host since Charles Gibsooooooooooooooooooon.

There’s an app for that
Half of The Guys have iPhones, thus have AT&T as their carrier. (It used to be three our of four, but the balance has been struck.) And when they are able to get 3G service on their iPhones, they seem content. However, a lot of Death Star customers are not. AT&T wants to hear from its customers when its service sucks, so it released an iPhone app so that people can let the company know. Our prediction: Most. Popular. App. Ever.

| Posted in War on Animals

Warrior of the Week

It’s not often entire countries get behind a movement enough that one can associate the whole nation with that particular cause. This week, The Guys are proud to announce one country has done such a thing for the good of the War on Animals. That country is: Norway!

One lobby group has come up with a slogan so genius, it could become the war’s rally cry, or simply just make people’s heads explode. Their slogan: “Eat whale and save the planet.”

You read that correctly. A pro-whaling lobby group is trying to convince Norwegian lawmakers that it is better for the environment to eat whale meat, than to sustain cows, chickens and other livestock, with the intent to kill them for their meat. This blog think the argument is retarded, but will fully endorse any chance to wipe out the whale population once and for all! Perhaps the U.S. Navy could lend a hand.

In other European aquatic animal-related news: scientists have found the first-ever six legged octopus. Henry the octopus hexapus is in England. Why not call it a sexapus? Because “Sexapus” is the name of my upcoming debut album.