Tag: recession

It’s hard out here for a gimp

We’ve all been affected by the economy in one form or another. Heck, the world itself has been affected by this money crunch.

And no one has been hit harder than the French sex toy industry.

No one.

Massage oils, edible underwear, high heeled shoes and “neck massagers” have all seen slumping sales in Gay Paris. People seem to be very scared to spend their money, especially lonely housewives. Many vendors were used to being beneficiaries of the “Checkout Line Phenomena”, in that when someone would visit them to buy one product, they’d usually end up impulsively buying two or three. Now? It’s only that single pleasure pal. Instead, people seem to be going back to basics (so to speak) for their behind-closed-doors-enjoyment.

Perhaps we at Seriously Guys would like to debut a new category: “Sex doesn’t sell.”

SG newspaper death pool now open

Today we lose another valued member of the newspaper society. As many of you have no doubt heard by now, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer (whose name seems a cruel joke about telling you news well after the fact) sells its final print edition today, after more than a century of service.

The P-I, as it is called, is switching to an online-only format and is the first U.S. newspaper to do so. The newspaper is not the first to go under in the recession, and countless more newspapers are teetering on the edge. It’s an inevitable drop that we have all seen coming for 20 years. And while we all are sad, it’s all our faults because we are the ones who stopped buying newspapers. Sure, they have steadily decreased in quality for years and get ink all over your hands, it’s our job as a society to buy these newspapers and support our journalists’ drinking habits.

On another sad note, it is my sad duty to announce that after today, the print version of SeriouslyGuys will no longer be available. We are switching to a Web-only format and experimenting with this whole “blog” fad that seems to be hip with the kids these days. You will be able to find us at www.SeriouslyGuys.com.

You Missed It: Just stopping by to say hello edition

Some believe in Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), the medical theory that if one does not get enough sunlight, particularly for long periods of time like in the winter, you get depressed and/or irritable. Here we are at the end of February and you know what? I say screw you, SAD, I don’t believe in you! If you were busy winning an Academy Award this week, odds are you missed it.

And the Dow responded with a huge drop
On Tuesday night, President Barack Obama, addressed a joint meeting of Congress. It wasn’t a State of the Union address, the new president just hates Scrubs and everyone who watches it. In any case, during his speech, Obama laid out his plan for economic recovery, which includes not raising taxes for the vast majority of the country, and increased federal funding for projects. Also announced: federally mandated casual Fridays in offices across the U.S.

Brady earns another ring
New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady got married this week. (Sorry, Schools!) Brady and Brazilian model Gisele Bunchen were married in a small ceremony in California. Bunchen’s dogs were present for the ceremony, however, Brady’s kid was not. According to reports, Brady, seeing no passing lanes, sprinted down the aisle and slid before contact could be made.

It’s like Nick is coming right at me!
Have you been eagerly anticipating the Jonas Brothers’ movie? I know Chugs has. Jonas Brothers: 3D Concert Experience is now out in theaters today. According to reviews, it’s, well, the Jonas Brothers, in concert, and in 3D. So yeah, Disney did a good job naming this one. However, there is one big hole, you can get a 3D Jonas Brothers concert experience by going to one of their concerts.

Then again, there is the cost of gas to think about

Obviously a recession means people have less money and a rise in crime will occur. To help keep you safe this recession season, here’s a safety tip: if someone is stealing things inside your house, take their getaway vehicle.

That’s exactly what one man in Washington state did when two people broke into his house and tried stealing his electronics. The man was home when he heard burglars upstairs and called 911. He then noticed a van in his driveway with the engine running, so he took the van and drove off.

The burglars fled the house, most likely on foot, and were empty handed, since it’s hard to run from the scene of a crime carrying a flat panel television.

The McBournie Minute: Here’s what you can get me, America

As the holidays creep closer, so does our impending economic doom. Last week we learned that the U.S. has been in a recession since December 2007 (surprise!), and we find more and more people are looking to save money this holiday season.

This is complete and utter crap.

I realize that the economy is the suck right now, some of my friends have even lost their jobs, but let’s not be so hasty and cancel Christmas. For one thing, it is important for you as a member of society to go out and spend money in the coming weeks, because our economy needs it. More importantly, if you know me, it is important you go out and spend money in the coming weeks on gifts for me, because the economy needs it. Spend as much as you like, America. I won’t mind. It’s just the typical selflessness I am known for. This time, I will just single-handedly save the economy. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Here’s what you can get me, America

Oh Coca-Cola bottle, you’re our only hope!

First it was some European nations. Then Japan. And now? The US is expected to be next. The sky is falling!

Japan is in a recession, it would seem. Who would’ve guessed? The BBC confirms that the global economic climate has slowed down the demand for Japanese exports.

“The downtrend in the economy will continue for the time being as global growth slows,” said Japanese Economy Minister Kaoru Yosano. “We need to bear in mind that economic conditions could worsen further as the US and European financial crisis deepens, worries of economic downturn heighten and stock and foreign exchange markets make big swings.”

What’s really the kicker is that Japan was going through its longest period of economic growth until the suka hit the sub-prime fan last year. Coincidentally enough, just about everything is seemingly cyclical for Japan. Tommy Lee Jones doing commercials, transforming robots as sentient smashy robots, Grand Theft Auto, and now, recessions, as they already experienced one about 7 years ago. The last recession they went through was mostly self-inflicted, but this time around the world’s consumers are messing things up everywhere. And for Japan, most of the issue lies with decreased demand of their products.

When asked how to fix this crisis, our very Bryan Schools gave this sage bit of advice:

Sony–BUY IT.

The War on Toddlers

Whales are more of a nuisance than anything. They keep beaching themselves or dying of shock from the U.S. Navy’s submarine sonar. But now they are being compared to toddlers.

Yes, toddlers, those freeloading brats. They are poor with language skills, manners, personal hygiene and they are needy–just like whales. And like toddlers, whales are doing exactly what they are not supposed to do: swim toward a big ship after it makes sounds trying to shoo the pesky whales away.

Don’t get us wrong, we are happy to see whales willing to off themselves for our cause, but they are the kamikazes of the ocean. Each sliced up whale results in damage to the ship, which means the cargo is slowed, which means you cannot buy it as rapidly, which slows the economy, ultimately costing you your job.

Take it from Snee: Can’t wait for that Depression!

A few months ago, we asked you to do something. Don’t remember? Starbucks was in trouble and you were supposed to help save them. We don’t ask you for much, but the one time we do, you let them fall deeper in debt and close 600 locations.

So, here we are, America. With talks of foreclosures, unemployment and gas shortages, we are verging closer and closer to a Recession, which is just a nice way of saying Depression. (Before “Depression,” they were called “Panics.” Eventually, we’ll call it a “Bother.”)

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “No big deal. My parents are loaded. I’ll just kill them.” Unfortunately, your money is only part of the problem. If we enter another Depression, all the money in the world won’t buy any of the following necessities. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Can’t wait for that Depression!

How To: Survive a recession

Economic wonks will tell you that a recession is two consecutive quarters of economic downturn, which technically, we haven’t had (at least until the reports are in in a few weeks). But we all know times are hard, and that is something we do not need to wait for. You are tired of paying so much for gas, you are tired of being jerked around by bill collectors and you are tired because you did not sleep very well after you got home from your third job.

Because of this, and our ongoing coverage telling you how to escape economic hardship, The Guys present how to survive a recession. Continue reading How To: Survive a recession