Tag: spain

Kidz Korner: Klassroom Edition

Hey, kidz! It’s been awhile since the court allowed us to run one of our Kidz Korner features, which is so very, very whack. But, we’re back, so it’s time for us to talk–no grown-ups allowed.

If you’re a student in Arizona, then you might have noticed your mommies and daddies frothing at the mouth a bit, especially if they’re European-Americans. It may seem a little crazy or wrong, especially when they’re trying to get rid of your Mexican-American teachers and students.

Just make sure you know that it’s not racist. Continue reading Kidz Korner: Klassroom Edition

The skies are getting friendlier

Women, so it is said, are people too. It is important that we menfolk treat them as equals, otherwise they’ll do something crazy like ban alcohol again. In Spain, it’s no different.

Flight attendants for Air Comet, which is also probably the name for a Nerf gun, have gone for nine months without pay. They’re not happy about it for obvious reasons, and they want people to pay attention to them. So naturally, they have posed for a nude calendar–three months into the year–and are selling it to get people informed about their situation, if you know what we mean.

Take that, Air Comet! You can’t just use flight attendants as objects!

There, that oughta show him!

Remember the first half of the 20th century? Odds are you don’t. That’s OK, governments do–when they want to. (By the way, African-Americans, Congress says we’re sorry over 130 years later for that minor slavery mishap.)

Spain remembers. And they remember dictator Francisco Franco, who came to power in 1939. Apparently, he was named honorary mayor of Madrid and adopted son of the city, but no more! The city has stripped him of those titles, just 30 short years after his death.

Also, Madrid stripped Franco of the hot dog eating contest honors he got from 1951 to 1954, where he placed first, second, fourth and first, respectively.

Baking is dangerous

Here in America, we pledge not to put body parts into our baked goods. It’s not a law specifically, it’s just more like an understanding we have with the bakers. However, that can’t be said about Spain.

That’s where a trade union is suing a bakery for throwing away something they shouldn’t have. A baker apparently lost his arm in some of the machinery (baking is a pretty machine-oriented job, apparently) and while the man himself was taken to the hospital, the bakery threw away his arm, which apparently was not the correct choice.

The arm wasn’t found until a day later, and doctors were not able to reattach it. If they could have, how great would it be to have one arm smell like freshly baked bread?

We prefer Grandma unplugged

The dead are pretty useless unless you’re a cannibal or necrophiliac. Well, the Spanish town of Santa Coloma de Gramenet has found another use for the ex-productive members of society: power source.

Coste-Live Energy, which runs the town’s cemetary, has just activated 462 solar panels mounted on top of masoleums. Their “justification” is that the tombs are the only expansive flat and sun-drenched property that effective solar collection requires.

The townspeople briefly fought the idea, but then decided that zombie power might save them some energy costs. Unfortunately, we all know where those savings are going into: the Anti-Zombie Military-Industrial Complex that the US narrowly avoided by oil dependency.

Won’t someone think of the comatose?

In case you hadn’t figured out that a naked calendar isn’t the panacea for all funding woes (especially in the case of Spanish moms), here’s a story that should wreck every single one of your “Calendar Girls” dreams: A naked charity calendar intended to raise cash for the North West Air Ambulance of Wigan, England has been banned from ambulance stations (link may not be safe for work) across the region. Apparently some people think that ambulance workers posing nude comprises their integrity and dignity. Now how are they going to revive the people that fall into a diabetic shock?

Once again, thanks a lot Helen Mirren, you big Oscar winning jerk.

In Homer We Trust

From our sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com: Sure, the Euro may be kicking the U.S. dollar’s proverbial ass these days, but at least we can stick our country’s heroes on their coins.

In Spain, a shopkeeper was emptying out a cash register when he found not the image of King Juan Carlos I, but that of Homer Simpson, best down for his love of beer and “los doughnuts.”

Upon hearing the news, the King promptly told Simpson to “shut up.” (HAR! A foreign policy joke! Take THAT, Hugo Chavez!)

Rogue nation: Spain

From our sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com: The Spanish government is clearly out of its head these days. The Spanish Parliament is pondering a resolution that would give apes and gorillas basic legal rights. The resolution is expected to pass next year.

Yes, the rogue nation of Spain might be seeking to give our enemies the right to life, freedom from “arbitrary captivity” and freedom from torture. How are we going to get any information about of them if we can’t torture and imprison them? Not to mention, since when do we afford our enemies the same rights that we give ourselves? The Geneva Convention does not apply to non-humans.

Where is Francisco Franco when you need him?

The story also mentions that species traitor Matthew Hiasl Pan, a chimp from Austria, whom we have covered before that thinks it is human. The chimp’s lawyers have appealed to the European Court of Human Rights. Should the beast win the appeal, it would mean all of Europe would have to recognize basic human chimp rights. Next they would want to vote.

The Catholic Church locked in battle with zombies

Anyone who has ever been to Toledo, Spain knows that the city is littered with zombies, or as the locals call them “el zombieos.”

But after all this time, only now has the Catholic Church caught up on this danger to humanity. A parade featuring zombies, ghosts and other scary creatures has been deemed a blaspheme. The world media would have you believe that it was just some local actors parading down the street to mock the local celebration of Corpus Christi, a Catholic holiday, but we know better.

Sure, Reuters. Sure, it was just some actors dressed up and bent on offending the Church. That makes far more sense than the fact that it was a bold statement of power on the zombies’ part and only the pulpit sees fit to fight it, as it has so many other evils. Open your eyes!

When good acts go bad

It seems as though everyone has jumped on the nude charity calendar wave—just like those old ladies in that oh so adorable movie—and sure, you might think that it’s a totally great idea that just can’t lose, because, hey, who doesn’t like calendars of naked old women … until you get stuck with a $16,000 printing bill and 5,000 unsold copies. Oh, and being in debt because of the act. Then, maybe, not so much.

Thanks a lot, Helen Mirren. You big Oscar winning jerk.