Aliens come to Earth to mess with S.C. politics

An alien race is threatening to invade if a South Carolina congressional candidate is barred from the first GOP debate. Just when we thought nothing political could shock us anymore.

Dimitri Cherny switched from Democrat to Republican in his bid for one of South Carolina’s seats in the House, but local Republican party organizers won’t let him be a part of the primary’s first debate. That’s when an alien named Hajdut Terheqeze, who kind of looks like Cherny if he had a weird cone head and huge goggles, took to Cherny’s Instagram to threaten Charleston County GOP Chairman Larry Kobrovsky with arrest, branding him an “intergalactic criminal.”

Terheqeze said his ship was in orbit, and his video seemed to show the USS Enterprise and the crew of the original series. If so, interfering with the politics of an uncontacted planet seems a clear violation of the prime directive.

The McBournie Minute: I demand an apology

I apologize in advance if I offend any of you with the views, opinions or jokes in this column offend you. Actually, I don’t apologize. I just ask you to grow up.

We had another award show last night, and with it, the calls for apologies over something that was said or some perceived slight turned into hyped-up beef. The Oscars last night, hosted by Seth MacFarlane, got mixed reviews. There were good performances and bad ones, there were jokes that soared, and jokes that flopped. And William Shatner reminded us how old he is by putting on the Star Trek duds and making a cameo as Captain James T Kirk.

It was a good skit, but I don’t like being reminded how old Shatner is. I demand an apology! Continue reading The McBournie Minute: I demand an apology

There’s a new neighbor in space’s cul-de-sac

Alpha Centauri. It’s a galaxy that space nerds named. We don’t exactly know where it is or how many smelly French people live in it, but we do know it exists.

As of this week, we also know that there is a planet in it. SPACE SCIENCE!

As it is, this is pretty big news, discovery-wise, but science fiction nerds around the internet are blowing their lids. Why? Because Alpha Centauri is a fairly significant universe when it comes to science fiction, whether it’s giant transforming robots or a galactic federation composed of pointy-eared people with crew cuts.

Now, does the newly discovered planet, known as eso1241 (real creative, science), actually have any life? Who knows, but if so, I’m sure we’ll be able to subjugate it.

Eat the red shirts first

Nearly 2000 (if this headline is to be believed) trekkers have been stranded in a small mountain resort for accessing Mt. Everest. They’ve been stuck for four days, and officials believe they could be there for at least a few more days with dwindling food supplies.

If they cannot be evacuated in time, the trekkers — which are like trekkies, only with chips on their shoulders — will begin eating each other in order of shirt color, though this could lead to a fight over whether TOS or TNG rules apply.

Take it from Snee: ‘Star Trek’ won

I’ve had a lot of fun with Star Wars in this column. So much so, in fact, that I may surprise you that I am also a Star Trek fan.

The Star Trek universe is harder to write about because it is so f%@king vast. Even with the “expanded universe” of books, Star Wars roughly covers the same four characters every goddamn installment. Meanwhile, there have been four crews of the USS Enterprise alone, a whole other ship, a space station and the new alien race they meet every episode.

While both share roughly the same fans, those fans usually prefer one over another and will fight to the asthma attack over it. It is my duty to settle this contest, and I’ll just say it now: Star Trek won. I base my–what will obviously be considered–controversial decision on the following criteria: Continue reading Take it from Snee: ‘Star Trek’ won

Take it from Snee: Cosplay against Confederates

So, I’ve been reading Confederates in the Attic, in which the author–Tony Horwitz–explores the South’s enduring CSA obsession. While it delves into issues like the Confederate battle flag (which I’ve commented on before and have since changed my mind about) and the families of long-dead soldiers, the interesting parts are about the reenactors.

Unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on your perspective—there is a dearth of Union reenactors compared to Confederates, so much so that Southerners often have to pose as Yankees just to get the numbers right for battles. Apparently, people in the North don’t harp so much about a war that they won 144 years ago.

What are die-hards obsessed with a war over states’ rights [to slavery ] to do when their Northern counterparts don’t want to play along anymore?

And then I remembered a comparison I wrote over a year ago and a comment Chugs made:  reenactors are the original cosplayers. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Cosplay against Confederates

Take it from Snee: I will be safe again

For eight years–eight years–I believed we had created a safer United States, a bomb-free and non-terrorized America.  I thought that, by taking my shoes off at airports and picketing Muslim schools, we were safe.

All of that was thrown out the window this morning thanks to CNN and Bryan Schools (but mostly Bryan Schools). Now I’m terrified, which is terrorism. (Bryan Schools is a terrorist.)

If 10 U.S. government agents could sneak bombs into U.S. government buildings past other U.S. government employees, then every step the U.S. government has taken to protect me was all a lie. I’m not safe, nor was I ever.

But, I’m going to change that, you Take it from Snee. Continue reading Take it from Snee: I will be safe again

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek feels like a movie motivated by fear. Fear of being too old, to slow, too out of touch. Fear of being too tied to what came before. Fear of irritating old fans. Fear of failing to bring in new ones. And so sometimes it overcompensates, moving too fast, jumping from point to point with barely a pause in between out of fear that its modern, energy drink influenced audience may at some point decide to get up and go to the bathroom. It invents unnecessary plot devices to excuse reinventing the Star Trek universe, just to preemptively shut up those fan-boys unhappy with the change in direction. Yet the irony here is that all of this fear was completely unfounded. This Star Trek works. This idea works. There was nothing to be afraid of and in fact, the whole thing would have only worked better had they simply sat back, relaxed and let things happen. This could have been a revelation, a reinvention of not only the Star Trek franchise but the entire science fiction genre. All the pieces are right there, if only director JJ Abrams and his team had trusted themselves, trusted the fans, trusted their audiences. They don’t, and the result is a movie that’s merely really good instead of genre-changing. Really good is, well really good. In fact I should probably stop kvetching.

This edition of the movie series is a lot of fun. It’s fresh, it’s exciting, it feels young as when the world was new. For the first time in a long time Star Trek truly feels futuristic. Abrams has successfully created an entire world to play around in, a bright and shiny world full of youthful optimism and blinking lights. It’s a Star Trek we’ve never really seen before, a Star Trek done with a monster, blockbuster budget. Abrams takes that world and lets his characters live in it. He doesn’t linger over it or treat it as if we’re seeing something awe-inspiring. This is simply the place where his story happens and within the first five minutes you know there’s a pretty good chance that by the time it’s over, he’ll have changed Star Trek forever and for the better. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Star Trek’

Take it from Snee: More like ‘Star Wreck’ (Amiright?)

So, there’s a new Star Trek movie coming out. Some critics are saying that it’s awesome or something.

I don’t care. You know why?

Of course you do: I’m against this movie. Continue reading Take it from Snee: More like ‘Star Wreck’ (Amiright?)

As if you had a better plan?

There are some days when you can make up plenty of stuff. The entire Bush administration. The last three years or so of when Enron still existed. The McCarthy Hearings. The O.J. Simpson murder trial.

And then there are some days when you can’t make something up, but it still makes you think that it’s made up. Like, when you see a headline that states “7-11s were robbed by a man holding a Star Trek sword”, you know that’ll be your headline of the day, no question.