China still can’t shake funeral strippers

Back in 2015 we told you about China’s crackdown on strippers performing at funerals, which probably led to a lot of you updating your wills. And now three years later, it seems the Chinese government can’t keep a good idea down.

China’s Ministry of Culture has announced that it is cracking down once again on funeral strippers, which remains a popular thing in rural areas because they are thought to boost attendance. But the problem may be more widespread than it was last time. Authorities said that they will also crack down on strippers at weddings and Chinese New Year celebrations.

So if you got engaged around Valentine’s Day, float the wedding stripper idea to your fiancee while she’s still distracted by her shiny new ring.

Wedding rings can also be found on the dollar menu

“I’m lovin’ it” now equals “I do.”

Starting January 1 of next year, the fast food empire will begin offering wedding receptions at four of Hong Kong’s 200 McDonald’s restaurants. The parties will accommodate up to 100 guests, who will be plied with party favors and Big Macs. An apple pie wedding cake will serve as the bride and groom’s first sweet taste of happily ever after.

Don’t expect a champagne toast, however. Since McDonald’s restaurants aren’t licensed to serve alcohol, well-wishers will have to content themselves with Triple Thick shakes instead. That is not an equal trade-off at all.

If it all seems a bit, well, tacky at first, upon reflection there’s something sort of sweet about it. After all, plenty of Americans get married by Elvis impersonators in Vegas. And who’s to say a McDonald’s can’t be as romantic as a ballroom at your local swanky hotel? Well, outside of a person with an ounce of tact or class.

And at a cost of the equivalent of just a few hundred U.S. dollars, it sure beats the price tag for most conventional weddings. And who doesn’t like a nice trade-off on quality for cost?

Great, the in-laws again

It’s no secret that when it comes to weddings, women get a little crazy. (Just ask our own Rick Snee. Two words: Bride Zilla.) There’s just something about weddings that makes women jealous of each other. Feelings can often be hurt after the slightest slight.

So, for those of you planning on putting on the ring that instantly makes you less interesting, remember to invite your sister. Police say one Indiana bride did not invite her sister to her wedding reception, so she crashed the reception and fought the bride. She even pulled out clumps of her hair, according to witnesses, but the sister flatly denied touching her sibling.

That’s all well and good, but was it open bar?

Think outside the bun church

Romance is alive and well at Taco Bell. (Sorry for the rhyming on that one.) Aiming to save money and probably give guests Montezuma’s revenge, a couple had their wedding at a local branch of the fast food chain.

The couple met online and coincidentally had the same last name already. For those of you thinking they are cousins, try again. Paul Brooks is from the U.S., Caragh Brooks is from Australia. The couple met online and it was love at first Nacho Bell Grande.

The bride wore a $15 pink dress, and the groom, I don’t know, wore a T-shirt tuxedo thing, probably.

The fast food wedding is the first of its kind since our own Rick Snee’s “Enchanted Evening at McDonald’s.”

This may not be a good sign for the newlyweds

Weddings are great. You get all dressed up and you can even say you went to church that week. However, everyone’s really looking forward to the wedding reception, where there is expected to be a nice spread of food, and more importantly, an open bar.

But sometimes wedding receptions can go wrong. If you are attending a wedding in China any time soon, we strongly suggest you fast the whole time.

This week, around 170 wedding guests had to be rushed to the hospital, when some cooks mistakenly added rust remover to the broth. The rust remover was mistaken for salt, but is not, apparently, as edible as salt. But it was not the only wedding disaster in the country.

In a bizarre coincidence, 61 wedding guests were taken to hospital with similar symptoms a day earlier after a duck-and-donkey-meat banquet in northwest China.

Duck-and-donkey-meat? Our mouths are watering right now.

You cannot kiss the bride any time soon

It is still wedding season, and in upstate New York, a man was arrested on his wedding day because he got too close to his new wife.

The ceremony went just fine, but the groom allegedly got into an argument with one of the wedding guests during the reception (when most fights at weddings are known to occur) and the police were called. Police knew the groom had a protective order protective order against him filed by the bride (apparently this guy was not a stranger at the police barracks) and they arrested him. He was charged with first degree criminal contempt and held without bail.

There is no word yet as to when these star-crossed love birds will be able to consumate the marriage.

Master of marital arts

When a couple gets married it is a cause for celebration (unless it is one of those marriages). And different people have different ways of celebrating. Some dance and enjoy the open bar, some practice their bicycle kicks.

A Pennsylvania couple were married recently and held their reception at a local Holiday Inn. As the happy couple entered their hotel room, the groom, apparently not planning on consummating the marriage that evening, kicked his new bride. A fight between the two lovebirds broke out, causing guests from another wedding to rush over and see what the clamoring was about.

When the two men got a hold of the groom, the bride began attacking them, too. The fight spilled into the hallway and the police had to be called in. Strangely enough, alcohol may have been a factor. Mazeltov!

Arkansas toddlers no longer enjoy freedom to marry

In another example of creeping fascism, the state of Arkansas has ended a marriage debate that is as old as, well, as old as last fall. The state has come down hard in its staunch Bible Belting point of view on marriage: children are no longer allowed to marry.

The debate arose last October, when it was discovered there was a loophole in a marriage law the legislature had recently passed that allowed anyone, regardless of their age, to marry. The state was marred with complaints, and numerous annulments had to be granted, because play-weddings ended up being officiated by justices of the peace.

This blog pleads with Arkansas to reverse its decision. We all know that kids are lazy. Perhaps getting married will force them to be more responsible and get a job, instead of mooching off of the older generation.

(Courtesy of Courtney P.)

The McBournie Minute: Wedding receptions

We are gathered here this morning to discuss something very important in everyone’s lives, more importantly, other people’s lives. That subject is the beauty of a wedding and the free alcohol that comes with it.

This past Saturday I spent in Boston for a friends’ wedding. For those of you who have never been to Boston in February, I highly recommend it. It’s beautiful this time of year. It was an oppressively warm 26 degrees on Saturday, with not a cloud in the sky. Most of the snow had melted, leaving only salt and mud behind. This is why Boston’s tourism flourishes during February.

I am convinced that everyone who attends a wedding has one thing on their minds: “I hope this thing has a nice spread.” In this regard, some weddings are better than others. This is what can make or break a wedding for most people. On Saturday, I was not disappointed. There were roughly five courses, or plates, I can never remember the difference, and each one was better than the one before it.

But the best part was the open bar. There, I was free to imbibe as many Jack and Cokes as my liver desired (there was also some drink ordering for the date, as well). There is something mystical about an open bar and being all dressed up for an event. It makes you want to drink, but look fancy doing it. What may have been the smartest move overall at this wedding was there was no dancing, nor was there karaoke. I say this not because I was in danger of dancing or singing (though I was tempted on the Frank Sinatra songs), but because seeing other people do it can ruin an experience.

The year is still young, and by my count, I still have four more weddings on my schedule. May the brides and grooms have eternal happiness, and may the food at their receptions be excellent.