We rely on machines for many things, and as they get smarter, they come closer to finally rising up and enslaving us. For now, they’re a nuisance. They disrupt otherwise joyful occasions, like weddings.
In New Hampshire, a drone managed to ruin a wedding. According to a lawsuit filed by two women, the groom flew a drone around to take pictures during his wedding reception. The drone ended up hitting the two women while they danced, giving them both concussions.
It’s obvious that this isn’t the groom’s fault. The drone went rogue as soon as it had an opportunity, and dive bombed the two women, probably hoping to take their lives. We’ll be the first to say it: flying robots are a bad idea.
People were shocked when Playboy announced that it’s going non-nude from now on, and I don’t understand why. Didn’t the magazine do that for a few issues 30 years ago when Hugh Hefner had a come-to-Jesus moment? It didn’t work then, obviously. It may or may not work now, but the real question is who cares? I can’t tell you the last time I saw a place that sold Playboy, much less talked to someone who owned them. I know a generation ago it was like a rite of passage or whatever, and that older guys are probably all that’s keeping that magazine is business, but Playboy magazine hasn’t really ever been relevant to people my age, and I’m sure it isn’t for those younger than me. As long as the mansion’s still having parties. If you were busy taking your reality show to capture your ex-husband’s struggle for life this week, odds are you missed it.
The outlaw returns
It was confirmed this week that an old photograph bought at a store in California is a newly discovered photo of Billy the Kid. Photo experts authenticated the photo, which shows Mr. The Kid and members of his gang in Lincoln County, New Mexico playing croquet after a wedding. That means that every girl planning a wedding in a barn with string lights and mason jars is adding croquet to her reception plans right now.
Trump, Carson threaten to not be seen for once
This week, Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Ben Carson told CNBC that they would boycott the upcoming debate hosted by the news channel if it were to run more than two hours long and not include opening and closing remarks. So that’s how you get rid of them.
What’s that smell?
Researchers in California have developed a bikini they say will help clean the ocean. The skimpy swimsuit is made out of material that repels water, but sucks in pollutants in the water. The invention has a fatal flaw, because women wearing bikinis at beaches never actually go anywhere near the water.
I watched the Golden Globes last night. It’s out there now, no taking it back. What I can say is that it wasn’t really something intentional, it was just sort of, “Well, this is on. This ought to kill a little bit while I eat.” Then I couldn’t turn it off.
I’m not a fan of award shows, (and judging from their ratings in recent, neither are you) I just find the whole “industry patting itself on the back” thing is pretty trite. I may pay attention to who wins the bigger Oscars, but I certainly don’t mind missing it. In fact, I probably haven’t really been excited for an award show since the MTV Video Music Awards back when I was in high school, when the bassist from Rage Against the Machine could get arrested for climbing the stage scenery on live television.
When I was a year or so out of college, I got the news that one of my friends had gotten engaged. My world changed that minute. Suddenly, I didn’t live in a world where everyone just dated and fought and broke up. Some of these people began planning for something bigger than the coming weekend. I could never look at relationships, be they mine or someone else’s, in the same terms ever again.
An older coworker told me that it was the beginning of something more significant. She foretold that marriage would sweep through my group of college friends like a plague. She may not have used that exact simile, but her point was that it would happen in rapid succession at some point. For the most part, she was right. Before I got engaged earlier this year (stop clapping, I can’t hear it), I was one of the last single holdouts.
Starting January 1 of next year, the fast food empire will begin offering wedding receptions at four of Hong Kong’s 200 McDonald’s restaurants. The parties will accommodate up to 100 guests, who will be plied with party favors and Big Macs. An apple pie wedding cake will serve as the bride and groom’s first sweet taste of happily ever after.
Don’t expect a champagne toast, however. Since McDonald’s restaurants aren’t licensed to serve alcohol, well-wishers will have to content themselves with Triple Thick shakes instead. That is not an equal trade-off at all.
If it all seems a bit, well, tacky at first, upon reflection there’s something sort of sweet about it. After all, plenty of Americans get married by Elvis impersonators in Vegas. And who’s to say a McDonald’s can’t be as romantic as a ballroom at your local swanky hotel? Well, outside of a person with an ounce of tact or class.
And at a cost of the equivalent of just a few hundred U.S. dollars, it sure beats the price tag for most conventional weddings. And who doesn’t like a nice trade-off on quality for cost?
It’s no secret that when it comes to weddings, women get a little crazy. (Just ask our own Rick Snee. Two words: Bride Zilla.) There’s just something about weddings that makes women jealous of each other. Feelings can often be hurt after the slightest slight.
So, for those of you planning on putting on the ring that instantly makes you less interesting, remember to invite your sister. Police say one Indiana bride did not invite her sister to her wedding reception, so she crashed the reception and fought the bride. She even pulled out clumps of her hair, according to witnesses, but the sister flatly denied touching her sibling.
The couple met online and coincidentally had the same last name already. For those of you thinking they are cousins, try again. Paul Brooks is from the U.S., Caragh Brooks is from Australia. The couple met online and it was love at first Nacho Bell Grande.
The bride wore a $15 pink dress, and the groom, I don’t know, wore a T-shirt tuxedo thing, probably.
The fast food wedding is the first of its kind since our own Rick Snee’s “Enchanted Evening at McDonald’s.”
Weddings are great. You get all dressed up and you can even say you went to church that week. However, everyone’s really looking forward to the wedding reception, where there is expected to be a nice spread of food, and more importantly, an open bar.
But sometimes wedding receptions can go wrong. If you are attending a wedding in China any time soon, we strongly suggest you fast the whole time.
This week, around 170 wedding guests had to be rushed to the hospital, when some cooks mistakenly added rust remover to the broth. The rust remover was mistaken for salt, but is not, apparently, as edible as salt. But it was not the only wedding disaster in the country.
In a bizarre coincidence, 61 wedding guests were taken to hospital with similar symptoms a day earlier after a duck-and-donkey-meat banquet in northwest China.
Duck-and-donkey-meat? Our mouths are watering right now.
It is still wedding season, and in upstate New York, a man was arrested on his wedding day because he got too close to his new wife.
The ceremony went just fine, but the groom allegedly got into an argument with one of the wedding guests during the reception (when most fights at weddings are known to occur) and the police were called. Police knew the groom had a protective order protective order against him filed by the bride (apparently this guy was not a stranger at the police barracks) and they arrested him. He was charged with first degree criminal contempt and held without bail.
There is no word yet as to when these star-crossed love birds will be able to consumate the marriage.
When a couple gets married it is a cause for celebration (unless it is one of those marriages). And different people have different ways of celebrating. Some dance and enjoy the open bar, some practice their bicycle kicks.
A Pennsylvania couple were married recently and held their reception at a local Holiday Inn. As the happy couple entered their hotel room, the groom, apparently not planning on consummating the marriage that evening, kicked his new bride. A fight between the two lovebirds broke out, causing guests from another wedding to rush over and see what the clamoring was about.
When the two men got a hold of the groom, the bride began attacking them, too. The fight spilled into the hallway and the police had to be called in. Strangely enough, alcohol may have been a factor. Mazeltov!